2013 - Get Ready to Rumble

1.) Lose 50 pounds.
2.) Quit smoking.
3.) Quit drinking.
4.) Get out of debt.
5.) Learn something new.


Although the above are popular New Year Resolutions, I'm going to do something a bit different this year. Instead of making a list of resolutions I'll forget about within a week, I am going to make one solid resolution. This one resolution will receive all my New Year energy and, I believe, will help me attain all the other goals I've set for myself.

My New Years Resolution: Think Positive

Okay, okay, hear me out: I do believe positive thinking attracts positive results. I'm not completely in line with the Secret and the law of attraction, but I do think focusing energy on the positive aspects of your life currently, and positive outcomes you'd like to see, will make it easier, if not enjoyable, to work towards those goals. And inevitably conquer those goals.

Focusing on the negative, in any situation, really serves no purpose. Negative energy breeds negative moods, which attract negative people, and the whole situation continues to spiral down. However, focusing on the positive change to a negative situation is much more enjoyable, not to mention productive.

For example, if you knew running three miles this morning would take off ten pounds you would do it. So would I. But it won't... However, running three miles every morning for a month definitely will take off ten pounds. So, instead of thinking, 'Ugh, I have to run today... I hate running.' I'm going to think, 'I'm gonna run today and in one month I'll be bikini ready. Yay!' Geez that sounds nerdy... but you get the point.

The truth is, I'm a generally positive person. I can find the positive in anything. But just because I can, doesn't mean I always do... On the rare occasion my mood gets down, it can get really really down. I can spiral with the best of them. Recently, I've been working very hard to reach a professional goal that has had me feeling utterly defeated. It's a truly awful feeling that has done nothing but bring me down and make it more difficult to accomplish other things - like getting out of bed.   I know this goal is lofty, but I also know it is attainable. It is easy to feel like a failure and drown my sorrows in my comfy bed with my little dog and cry myself to sleep; but where's that going to get me? Certainly not any closer to achievement. I strongly believe that focusing my energy on succeeding, the feeling of accomplishment, and the pride I will have in myself is a far better use of my mental energy.

So get ready 2013 - I'm going to smother you with positive energy and you're going to love me for it. 


Christmas - The Scary Truth

Disclaimer: This is not meant to offend any person, religion, or rapist. Take a xanex with your eggnog and relax. 

For the record, I'm not Christian. My beliefs most resemble Buddhist  philosophy, I guess, but I choose not to claim membership to any organized religious group. Especially the really scary ones. *cough* Catholics *cough* But in an attempt to make my upbringing seem normal my mother forced me to attend a UCC church for many years. That's right, Disney has been to church. That's United Church of Christ for those that are unfamiliar. It's similar to protestant, I believe, another branch under the christian realm. We learned all about Jesus and what not but I was young so we didn't get into the really good stuff. I was baptized as an infant and I attended Sunday School every week. I even completed confirmation, if you can believe it, when I was twelve, and took communion for the first and last time. To be honest the whole "body and blood of Christ" thing really freaked me out. Still does.

Anyway, another interesting fact about my childhood is that my mother had my brothers when I was around ten years old. Because I was highly intelligent, and had an abnormal sexual curiosity, I knew how babies were made and I knew it had nothing to do with placing an order with a local stork. This led to some extreme conflict when the study of Jesus came up.

I understood that Jesus was God's son; that God chose the "virgin" Mary to be his mother. I also understood that Mary was married and wondered how Joseph felt about this whole situation. I had a Jerry Springer conflict in my head.  I had a step-dad at this point so I thought I could relate to the poor Jesus and his nontraditional upbringing. One day, I asked my mom point blank about the affair. She was also my Sunday school teacher. Seriously, Disney's mom was a Sunday school teacher. That's when she explained "immaculate conception" to me for the very first time. I've had nightmares ever since.

See, as a young woman my mother did not hesitate to explain to me the ramifications of intercourse and proper protective measures. I was on birth control before my "first" even knew he had a chance. So the idea that anyone, or any deity for that matter, could just decide to knock me up, doesn't sit well with me. I'm a feminist for goodness sake. I'm a strong supporter of reproductive choice as well. I don't recall any stories about any men having to raise illegitimate children. It just seems so unfair. Although, when it comes to women, nothing in Christianity is very fair. Still, the idea that poor Mary had no control over the situation really burns me up. And the idea that she was a married virgin just makes me laugh. Isn't that why Christians get married? So they can finally do it without having to take a scalding shower of guilt after?

Anyway, it's the idea of this immaculate rape that really pushed me away from Christianity all together. There are, of course, many other reasons, but this is the biggie.

However, I still celebrate Christmas. What? How could you? - Oh, stop. I celebrate the Americanized Christmas. The Santas and the Raindeer and the giving and receiving of presents. Who doesn't love presents? I also celebrate the fact that this one time a year people, for the most part, act a little less selfish, and may even take a moment to appreciate all the loving people in their lives. That's what Christmas means to me. And I have to say, even as I type, it sounds way more pleasant than some poor married woman that never gets laid, getting knocked up by a stranger, and then a parade of people want to fawn over the infant while her poor husband has to stand by and act proud. Joseph sure was a stand-up guy.


There's an "ex" there for a reason...

I used to be one of those girls that "stayed friends" with her exes. I also used to dye my hair jet black, drunk dance at Amateur Night and think Nickleback was "hard rock." Then I grew up.

The fact is that there IS an ex there for a reason. Even if you had one of those storybook endings where you both looked into each other's eyes, said, "I'm not in love with you," then laughed and hugged and skipped off into the night; at one time you had strong feelings for this person and/or they had strong feelings for you. These feelings may have been naive and irrational and you think you could never feel for this person in that way again, but they WERE there. Feelings don't dissapear; feelings change. And they keep changing. This is why the divorce rate is over 50% and happens to be my personal bread 'n butter.

If you had feelings for a person once before, or vice versa, it is entirely possible that one or both of you could rehash these emotions. It is also possible that one of you will reminisce of your time together and want to rekindle the damaged affair. In all honesty, there are a million hypotheticals that could happen and they're all bad.  Unless, of course, you're living out some romantic comedy... and everyone is acting. There is no benefit to remaining friends with someone who was, and is no longer, a staple in your life. Unless your a masochist...

"If you're always looking behind you, you are going to fall down." My mom used to say that to me all the time.  Although, she was being literal 'cause I was a clumsy child.  The point is, if you're still playing in your past you can't give your energy to your future. If the past was really that great, it'd be the present. It's not. It's remarkably easy to remember the best parts of a relationship and completely forget the nights you spent crying yourself to sleep with a black-eye, or whatnot.  But the minute you forget that pain, you set yourself up to relive it.

Remember the first time you touched a hot stove? Yea... you don't do that anymore. Same story.


Everyone pays for sex.

That's right. Everyone.

I heard this on a television show and it really got me thinking. At first it was something like, "Ugh. I've never had to pay for it." Insert judgmental tone. Then... well, then I had to admit that I have paid, and I've paid dearly. So have you. So stop judging. 

Traditionally a man will wine n' dine a lady and eventually she'll give up the goods. There's your standard "payment" on his part.  Traditionally the trusting woman will invite this man into her bed, and there's her payment. That's the more complicated aspect of my statement. For the record, these roles may be reversed and shared and are somewhat interchangeable between the genders, but there is always payment.

I've heard woman say many times that they "have sex like a man." I assume they are not referring to strap-ons although in some cases they just may be.... But I suppose most mean without feeling or emotion. Bullshit.

I do not believe women are capable of having completely emotion-free sexual relations. To be honest, many men can't either. A woman may not necessarily have emotion for the partner, but there's emotion nonetheless. I have two explanations for my theory. One physical, one mental.

It takes trust to let people in.  Most people don't share their deepest darkest secrets with complete strangers. Same goes for a woman's body. Sorry to be graphic, but this is a big girl blog. In sexual activity a woman is quite literally opening up and letting someone inside and she has to trust to do this. (Unfortunately woman frequently trust the wrong men but that's a-whole-nother blog.) There are those woman who don't require the same level of trust, but some trust has to be present. Even if a woman agrees to a "casual" encounter the emotion is there. And after-the-fact it's going to be even more present. She'll try to hide it, because she agreed to "casual" but it's there.

The above is the most common sexually charged emotion. But there are those woman, few I hope, that can have sex with a complete stranger and feel no emotion, what-so-ever, for the partner. They do, however, hold an extreme amount of emotion for themselves. Unfortunately, this is a much more negative scenario. This women generally has some historic experience that has made her feel insecure or undeserving or she's found it so difficult to trust a partner that she compensates by trying to make that trust unnecessary and ultimately creating a psychological wall within herself that she feels cannot be penetrated to keep her "safe." But she's not safe. She's actually far more vulnerable than the women above.

Sex in general is a far more emotional experience for women than men; specifically "casual" sex. A male orgasm is generally physical whereas a female orgasm is mental.  No woman can finish when she's worrying about her shopping list. A man, on the other hand, will forget that shopping list completely. It can wait.

The moral of this story is we all pay. Even if it's not a monetary exchange with a professional an exchange is made. The females's payment may be less obvious, but it's there. So next time you take that PYT out for a romantic evening and she doesn't want to play naked that night, just know that it's going to cost her a lot more than dinner. When she can afford it, she'll play ball.


Everything you could ever want to know about a woman....

...is right there in her closet.

In reviewing my wall sized closet I realized just how much of me my closet can disclose.  I have to believe these rules, for the most part anyway, hold true for women everywhere. 

Platform heels and/or stilettos: Either she is very short, or a SATC (Sex And The City) loving masochist. These shoes do not exist for comfort.  They are for beauty and style and serve no rational purpose beyond aesthetic appeal. 

Tennis Shoes: Dirty tennis shoes means she's an outdoor kinda girl.  She doesn't mind treading through dirt and breathing in the city smog. Perfectly clean tennis shoes means she's probably more of a gym rat. She prefers to spend hours on the elliptical while watching the Real Housewives. 

Flats: Your girl appreciates comfort. Or she's incredibly tall and insecure about her height. 

Short/tight/small dresses: This girl likes attention in any form she can get it; think Courtney Stodden meets any Kardashian. A closet full of tiny dresses that cover only the parts of a woman that must be legally covered in public generally mean daddy issues. 

Long, flowy, moxie dresses: Another comfort seeker. She'd rather be pretty than sexy and she'd rather that not be her most admirable quality. 

Pantsuits: This one has worked long and hard to establish herself in a man's world and she's not about the let fashion disrupt her success. She's probably in some high-stress power position like a CEO or an attorney and you will never be as important as her career. 

Lingerie (more than necessary): Most average women like to keep a few select items around for special occasions or when they need to guarantee the end of a drought. More than a few, and matching boas, means you're probably dating a stripper. Or a hooker. 

Furs and/or minks: She's either an AARP member or a "gold-digger." Most girls don't wear fur anymore. If the closet is also full of Manolos and she is not independently wealthy there's a red flag for you. Even if she is fiscally successful, appearance and perception of others is very important to her. So if it isn't to you, it's not going to work out. 

Leather: One leather jacket and a cute pair of pleather shorts is normal but a closet full of leather means your girl probably likes girls. Sorry. 

Polo shirts: See above. 

Whips, chains, ball-gags and furry handcuffs: You've entered the dungeon.  Unless you like to give or receive a safe amount of pain you better run and run fast. 

Earthquake survival kit: This girl is probably a bit paranoid and likes to plan ahead. She's probably a Virgo. She's probably me. 

Obviously there are exceptions to every rule but these figures should be generally accurate.  For more information, find the "intimates" drawer. Just make sure you're ready for what you may find. 


Soul-mates: Truth, Myth, or Nightmare.

soulmate (or soul mate) is a lifelong partner that is predetermined by God. Believed by some to be the person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinitysimilaritylovesexintimacysexualityspirituality, or compatibility. (Wikipedia) 

As an adolescent, I found the idea of soulmates to be romantic and sweet.  I just sift through life and my soulmate will find me... so naive. 

As an adult, I find the whole idea terrifying, juvenile and unreasonable. I mean, how can we be expected to just wait around for this symbolic person that is supposed to complete us in every possible way? I'm far too controlling for that. And what happens if we miss them? I mean, I could be having a bad day and decide to not smile at the cute guy at the deli. Or I could run out of gas on way to the Salvation Army and then... no more soulmate?

Don't get me wrong, I completely understand the desire to put the whole process in the hands of fate. I, however, can't bring myself to trust anyone that much; especially someone as unreliable as fate. Furthermore, I refuse to believe that out of 7 billion people there is only one that is compatible with me. I mean, I'm really not that complicated. 

I prefer, instead, the idea that your "soulmate" is not predetermined by God or fate or anyone else. I prefer to think the ideal mate is the person that comes into your life when you're ready for them, and they're ready for you, and both parties are ready, and willing to put in the time and energy to develop a strong and successful bond that morphs into a shared life with your best friend. To me, that is far more realistic, and romantic, than walking through life just watching and waiting with no control over your own future. 


My how things have changed:

This morning I woke up and decided my bed needed redecorating.  This is a bed I shared with the Ex, so any remnant of him needs to be removed. Maybe it's a girl thing, but I'm convinced removing his energy will make my bed seem more welcoming to new-and-improved partners. So I got new sheets, a new comforter, new pillows, etc. Hell, I may even get a whole new bed.

Anyway, this activity led me to start thinking about how my life has changed over the last few months from being "in a relationship" to "single."

1.) I don't get hugs on a regular basis.  I've never been much of a "hugger" but I have a new appreciation for the contact now that it's not a norm in my everyday life.

2.) I can eat what I want. I never have to ask, "Well, what do you want?" and then spend 20 minutes debating back and forth while my stomach eats itself. This also goes for, "What do you want to do?" and "Where do you want to go?" I make the decisions now.

3.) I work out more. Well... I work out. I didn't have "time" before, ya know, cause I was busy being the perfect girlfriend. Now I have not only time, but the ambition to get back the sic body I had when I met the Ex. How do guys always make us fat? Oh, they live off beer and chicken wings. I digress.

4.) I pay for massages - because no one else is going to do it. Except maybe the homeless guy that sleeps in the trash room, but I haven't quite gotten that desperate.

5.) I see my friends more. I guess this is pretty normal, but I hate that it took a break-up to make that happen. I'll be more careful next time.

6.) I buy condoms. Not that I have any need for them *yawn* but I'm a safety girl and single girls should just keep those things around. By the way, has anyone bought condoms lately? Can we talk about the variety here? I was overwhelmed by the different brands, colors, styles and.... objectives. I just grabbed the purple box and called it a day.

7.) I wear make-up. Suddenly, the need to look appealing is greater now that my next great love may be waiting for me at the dry-cleaner. I can't remember the last time I wore make-up to go to Kmart - before this morning I mean.

8.) I write this blog. I missed this blog. My ambitions in general have increased. I mean I've always been overly ambitious (I'm a Virgo) but I have more motivation now that I don't have an Ex mocking my asinine ideas. Juicing is good for you, dammit.

9.) I don't sleep as much. Or at least, I don't spend as much time in bed. You get it...

10.) My room is always clean. There are no stupid boy clothes strewn about. Everything is neatly in it's place just how I like it. AND the toilet seat is always down. Always.


Why Dogs Are Better Than Boyfriends

Today I came home to my adorable Chihuahua mix and I realized, no boy has ever made me as happy as this one.

1.) A dog will never leave you. They can't! You just have to put a leash on them. You can't put leashes on boyfriends. At least, most boyfriends... but I'm sure there are exceptions.

2.) A dog will never cheat. Sure, he may get flirty with your female friends, but at bedtime you know he's cuddling up to you.

3.) A dog will never leave the toilet seat up. Never! They don't even use it! It's divine. I don't think men have any idea how obnoxious that is.

4.) A dog gives the best kisses. Wet and slobbery, sure. But they're full of love and no agenda.

5.) A dog won't drink all the beer. They won't drink any of it!

6.) A dog will laugh at your jokes. Okay... maybe not laugh, but they won't look at you like you just recited Shakespeare either.

7.) A dog will always listen. Whether you're complaining about a girlfriend, a coworker, and brand new strappy sandal that broke the first time you wore it, or even your boyfriend! Your dog will be all ears.

8.) A dog won't forget to pick you up at the airport. Your boyfriend will. You know it, I know it, he knows it...

9.) A dog doesn't get moody and crabby, suddenly, when you mention the word, "relationship." He'll let you talk about your relationship all day! Especially if there are treats and toys around.

10.) Your dog always wants to play with you. Always.


Daddy Issues

We all know some poor girl with "daddy issues" or an Electra Complex if we want to be scientific.  These are the girls that appear to be seeking attention from men in order to compensate for the attention they did not receive from their fathers.  Generally, you will find them in clear heels at the top of a pole somewhere, or married to Doug Hutchison at sixteen. They are sexually aggressive and starved for attention.  In the eyes of a teenage boy, they are Christmas. In the eyes of (most) adult men, however, they are drama.  Avoid them like the plague, or herpes.

But what about us girls that did receive adequate attention from our fathers? The "daddy's girl" so-to-speak.  Are we perfect because we can communicate with our clothes on? No. We have a whole new set of issues.  We're the girls that will compare every man to the perfect man we still, as adults, call "Daddy." No man will ever love, support, and cherish us like our fathers.  Men that wish to win our hearts are forced to live up to impossible expectations.

So what's a guy to do? Well, you have a few options. You can enjoy the "attention whore" and try to provide the necessary attention she'll require. You can fight, tooth and nail, for the love and affection of the girl convinced you will never be good enough. Or you can hold out for that mythical lady that falls somewhere in between.

I think it's safe to say we all have our own issues.  It's also safe to say we can find some way to blame said issues on our parents.  I guess the only real option is to find someone who's particular issues you find workable, or maybe, just maybe, lovable.


"That's so random!"

It's been brought to my attention that us ladies are overusing the word "random" to describe ourselves.  This problem was identified by a boy and is not a personal opinion.  I will say that I do not believe I fit into this group.  I'm not random. I'm a Virgo, for god-sake. I plan to make plans and spontaneity is something forced on me by others.

So, why are women so fixed on representing themselves as being spontaneous and without purpose? I think I have an idea.

There's this myth, designed in the 50s I believe, that every woman over the age of 25 is looking for their forever partner and preparing to chain him to the matching twin bed. Although there are woman like this still lurking, most of us, I believe, just want to enjoy our personal lives and focus planning our careers and such.  I assume seeming "random" is a way for a woman to portray that she's out for fun and not sizing up every man she shares an appetizer with to be her lifelong mate.

OR she really is one of these mythical woman and she's in hiding so as not to scare off the timid male.

Either way, stop it. The word is overused and, to be honest, ambiguous.  To the wrong guy your "randomness" could come off as an invitation for unwanted advances or worse, a proposal for an illogical future.  Try a different word, or better yet, just explain whatever image you're trying to portray.

Overuse of this word may kill men... at least on the inside.  Don't worry about seeming spontaneous and focus on being original. And spread the word.



So I've decided I've been going about this all wrong.  Here's the story: There's this guy on POF that sent me a message a while ago, pretty blah, but then he asked my favorite beer. I like beer.  My GBF says it makes people think I'm a lesbian but clearly, I'm okay with that. So anyway, I responded with my thoughts on different beers for different occasions, with different meals and when I'm in different moods. We chatted back and forth a bit and then I stopped responding. Why Disney? Well, he's not cute. I've never been the girl that goes for the model-type anyway, but I am 100% percent not attracted to this guy and I find it highly unlikely that I ever will be. So I stopped responding because I didn't want to "lead him on." Let's face it ladies, we're either a tease or a slut and there is no in between. But after the fact, I started to miss him. Not him, per se, but the conversation.  So I told him he wasn't my type, enjoyed the conversation, etc. and we still talk! He said that's cool, no big deal, and I'm not his type either. (*gasp* Moi? He likes blondes. Gottcha.)

So here's the revelation, online dating isn't "dating" at all. There's no way to tell if you have "chemistry" with a person over the internet.  Obviously even POF can't figure it out (see previous posts).  So instead of being "super-picky" Disney, I'm gonna be open minded Disney. I'm still not responding to "Hi :)" or guys that want pictures of my feet (Foot fetish is not my kinda fetish). BUT, I will respond to any interesting message that I want to respond to regardless of other incompatibility factors such as, kids, cats, unemployed, etc.

The fact is, when I first met the Ex, I told my BFs he reminded me of Elmer Fudd.  He still does by the way. And I spent a lot of years with that man.  First impressions are just that, FIRST.  They are important, but they are not everything. Not to mention, some of my greatest friends are men, so it can't hurt to add to that pot.

Instead of looking at internet dating as "dating" I'm going to look at as internet "mingling" and just go from there. Even if I don't meet my Mr. Right, I may meet his friend :)

AND, I think I come off way different on person than on the internet. For those of you who don't know where my pseudonym came from, it was derived from my dear friend JD based on my bubbly personality and my tendency to move like a Fantasia character when there's no music to speak of. That's not something you can put into text.  I spend my days writing professional, very professional, memorandum so I'm afraid that reflects in my online life more than the true Disney.  The true Disney is part sorority-girl, part bedroom submissive, part intellectual debate enthusiast and then some.  There are just too many shades to Disney for anyone to get a good grasp over the internet. I assume a lot of guys feel the same way.



I can't believe I forgot to add AshleyMadison.com to my "UPDATES"!! Well, for those of you not familiar, this is a secretive site for "attached' individuals to seek out... partners.

No! I have no interest in rendezvousing with married men. It's not about the sanctity of marriage, or what not, but I hold respect very high.  If a man doesn't respect his wife, he most certainly will not respect me.  I just don't understand the point of cheating when leaving would be the more responsible and less painful option. I digress.

I joined for the sake of research, people. So here it is. This site is for the birds. The guys are older, for sure. And there is no wooing whatsoever. It's all about what they wanna do and where and when. Straight to the point, I like, but a little too forward for my particular taste. Oh, and there's that whole married thing...

This site has gotten some attention recently due to its zealous marketing and I've noticed the numbers decreasing. Or at least, the number of profiles that have photos are decreasing.  There are a lot of "body pics" still present, but guys, so you know, if you've been sleeping with the same woman for an extended period of time she's going to recognize your body. She'll also know the color of your eyes. It's a girl thing.

I've yet to get even one mildly entertaining message.  I have about three that say something like, "I'm new here. I've never done this before. When can we meet?" Lies, lies, lies. Your profile alone has removed any credibility you may have achieved with me. Face tattoo has a better chance at this point.



So, as you know, I've been drawn to online dating.  I have to say it is just as tedious as real life dating and don't let anyone tell you different. So, here are my reviews:

POF - So far my fav. I have chatted with two likable guys... and a dozen that were not so likable. One is very interesting (you've heard of him before) and his messages are the ones I most look forward to.  The other is nice and cute, but lacks the wit to keep my attention.  I have responded many times with one word replies, and I'm a talker by nature.  I'm trying to stay open-minded so I'll continue but things better pick up fast.  The aforementioned is still the favorite thus far. I think may know more about him than any guy I have actually dated, and we've never even met.  There's a safety when you're behind a screen that allows people to open up, I guess, because I've shared more than I planned to as well.  Not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, so I'll keep you posted.

Match.com - Bust. I don't know what it is about these guys but I failed to find even one that sparked any interest.  Wait, there was one, but that interest was minimal and short-lived. Account deleted.

BondageMatch - I forgot my password and can't get in... typical Disney.

BDSMSingles - All the guys here are really old and unattractive.  I understand that a trained Dom is probably going to be at least older than myself, but 67? That's pushing it. They're also not cute and/or interesting.  I get a lot of, "Are you interested in me?" and "When would you like to be tamed?" Don't get me wrong, Disney needs some taming, but at least ask my name first, geez. I get that it's a different type of relationship but some level of intimacy is required before I'll let someone tie me up and have their way with me. I don't think that's too much to ask.  It's probably time to bow out of the "scene" as clearly it's not what I'm looking for.

POF is the winner thus far. Can I add "bedroom submissive" to my "interests," or do we think that's a bad idea? Yea, bad idea. I'll give POF a little more time and see what happens. It has only been three weeks. Am I impatient, or what?

Oh, and then there is real-life dating. My friend B wants to set me up with her friend, but to be honest (sorry B) he wears really short shorts. I can't handle hipster because they confuse me. Where are the normal, single, straight, and unattached men (within my age range)? Where do they hide? Maybe I should join a club or something... thoughts?


It's like you don't even know me...

So, POF has this feature called "chemistry" where they take your answers to too many questions to find your "perfect match." I checked out my chemistry matches and I have to say, I believe this feature is faulty.

Now, I understand this is probably deciphered by some super lengthy mathematical equation, however, I'm fairly certain the love of my life will not have a facial tattoo. No, wait, I'm sure of it.  A facial tattoo is saying you know longer care to be a productive member of society. Even if I did fall for said guy my dad would shoot him before it could get passed 1st base. He's a "shoot first, ask later" kinda guy.

I'm also fairly sure my match will have more than a sixth grade vocabulary and know who the President of the United States is. No, actually, that's a requirement. I refuse to speak to anyone of voting age that does not know the name of the President of the country they hold residence in. Seriously.

So... back to BondageMatch? Kidding. I can't really see Disney tied up and flogged by some strange Dom from internet world.  Well... I have to think about that a little more =)

Once again, I will persevere and shuffle through this overloaded inbox in hopes that someone without facial tattoos, multiple children, or a need to "taste" me, will inevitably spark my interest.  Is that too much to ask? No masochists, cannibals, or baby-daddies allowed.


What is a "Christian Grey"

So in my POF profile I mention a popular character form a popular book you may have heard of, Fifty Shades of Grey.  I have read the series multiple times so I feel like I have a pretty good grasp on the characters.  Others, however, have only heard of the erotic novel and make assumptions that are inaccurate. So, who is this Christian Grey and what makes him so appealing? *Spoiler alert*

Christian is an uber-successful and wildly attractive man active in the BDSM lifestyle.  For all intensive purposes, he's a Pro. HOWEVER, Ana (the female lead) and Christian do not have a typical D/s relationship and I think that's where people get confused.  A typical Dom controls a slave/sub in life and love which is initially what Christian wanted from the relationship.  What the relationship turned into, though, is the fantasy so many women seem to want.

In actuality, Ana becomes a "Sub in the bedroom." In life she is very much her own woman.  Although Christian may be a bit controlling, she defies him regularly and without punishment. No actual Sub would behave like that.  In the bedroom, however, Christian takes the wheel. (And he is an excellent driver.)

Ultimately, Christian is in love, bordering obsessed with this woman, and has no problem making that regularly apparent.  What woman does not want to feel loved? Isn't that the point of love? He also makes her feel sexy and special.

Christian's faults are also admired. He's closed off and restrictive physically and emotionally which creates a challenge.  What woman doesn't want a challenge?

So there you have it. It's not just the Dom that's so enticing. It's his confidence, sex appeal, intricate knowledge of fetish toys and expertise and giving pleasure that is so erotic.  But it's also his admiration for this young woman and his own internal struggle with remaining the man he made himself to be and the partner she wants. His need to change, on his own accord, to be the perfect man for his perfect woman, well, that's down-right irresistible.

So, in summary, it's not just the flogger and the silver tie that make this man the sex-god most women dream of at bedtime. It's so much more that you can only fully comprehend if you actually force yourself to read the erotic novel and see all the shades that make up this man.


Disney is not seeking Casual Sex

Let me clarify:

I like sex. Maybe too much. I spend a lot of time reading erotic novels, BDSM forums and kama sutra blogs. I read the good, the bad, and the bad-in-a-good-way. I enjoy the give AND the take of physical intimacy.

Casual encounters are all about you. You're there to fill some need, or get some pleasure for yourself. If the other party has a good time, great! But it's not the motivation. Then you end up with an "okay" experience, at best.

When there's a mental, emotional connection before the physical, then your motivations change. The other person's "good time" becomes more important than your own. When both parties are acting in the best interest of the other, well, that's when you bypass "okay" and hit "mind-blowing."

I'm looking for "mind-blowing." I've had enough of " okay."

Okay, I have a secret...

I never actually deleted my OkCupid account all those years ago.  Instead I changed it to "gay, seeking bi girl" and checked back every once in a while to absorb compliments from the messages.  Pathetic? Maybe. Entertaining? Definitely.

But now that I'm "back on the market" I made the profile a bit more honest.  I'm straight! There, I said it.  Now I'm forced to compare my new POF account and my ancient OKC account...

POF - a bit more "mature" and advanced.  The "facebook" of online dating.

OKC - more fun, more friendly. The "myspace" I guess.

Note: Girls don't send naked pics as freely as the boys do. Again, I ask, why are men so obsessed with their junk? Cause I'm not and there needs to be a place on my profile where I can confirm that.

Another Note: Does anyone READ the profiles? I mean, what's the point if the 20 year old college kid is sending me the standard "Hi :)" (and we'll get into how much I despise that message at another time) when my profile could not more clearly state that I will not date uneducated children? I may have to get mean.  My sweet face defies me once again.

Third Note: I miss Christian Grey.  I'm going to bed with him tonight, it's official.

There are sharks in the water!

So I've officially been a member of Plenty of Fish for less than 12 hours and I have already received over 40 emails. I am excited, flattered, and afraid to leave the house. At first, I thought it was my witty profile and then I realized half of them were sent before my profile was even complete... [See said profile here.] So I have named these guys the "sharks."

Sharks - the guys that email every new female user assuming she will be so naive and desperate that she'll jump at the slightest attention and in turn jump on him.

Well, not this one, you teethy creatures. I saw you coming from my tower. I don't care for sharks in the ocean and I most certainly don't want to join them for drinks.

Which brings me to another excellent point - Dating at thirty is much different than dating at twenty, and by different, I mean better.  Twenty year old Disney would probably have jumped into these shark infested waters and been eaten alive.  Thirty year old Disney, however, has learned the ease and comfort of the DELETE button. Amen.


Here we go again!

So, for the past 3 years and 10 months I was in love.  I think.  But, now that's over and it's time to start again.  Weird, no?  The truth is I'm pretty excited.  Don't get me wrong, it's sad.  I mean, I lost my best friend, my support pillar, and a ton of crafty inside jokes.  Such is life and I'm a girl that can find the positive in anything.

So, how does this work again?  Truth - I've never been very good at dating.  My heart is hanging off my sleeve with one tattered thread and anyone can pull it off, toss it to the ground and smash it. That has to change. This time around I'm going to be smart, logical, realistic and picky.  I'm going to be incredibly picky with any suitors I spend my valuable time with.  In business I am known for being the level-headed problem solver so I need to bring that to my dating game.

The plan:

Dating Sites - never been a huge fan.  However, this is a different time we live in.  I'm not gonna meet my Mr. Right, or my Mr. Christian Grey for that matter, at church on Sunday or at the county fair.  We live in a busy world and I like to be busy.  I have a career to be proud of and I'm not willing to sacrifice it hunting for mates.  So dating sites it is.  Fast, efficient, and fast. I'm trying POF (that's Plenty Of Fish for you amateurs) at the recommendation of a trusted friend and fellow successful-women-no-time-for-nonsense lady.  You can find her at JD...Maybe? if you'd like a good read.

Dates - Dating sites don't really work unless you actually go ON the dates, or so I'm told.  Truth, I'm shy.  You'd never guess that to meet me, but I am.  Or I was! Not anymore.  Time to be confident and self-assured (again like I would in my professional life) because that's exactly what I want from a suitor.  It may be easier to flirt via email for weeks and weeks but that's not going to give me any good memories.  *wink*

Me - I've had a couple months now to evaluate my failed relationship and get over it.  One thing I realized quickly was me.  Relationships take compromise and sacrifice and that's what I did.  I don't regret this, however, it's time to focus on me.  Now is the time to be selfish and make sure my needs are met before any other.  Someday I'll be ready to go back into "compromise, sacrifice, relationship" mode,  but for the moment, it is all about me.

Misc. - I'm ready for this to be difficult and complicated, but I'm also ready for fun and great stories for my not-single friends.  Like I said, I'm excited!  Not just for meeting new people and potential great guys, but I'm excited to learn more about me,  'cause I'm selfish...for now.