"That's so random!"

It's been brought to my attention that us ladies are overusing the word "random" to describe ourselves.  This problem was identified by a boy and is not a personal opinion.  I will say that I do not believe I fit into this group.  I'm not random. I'm a Virgo, for god-sake. I plan to make plans and spontaneity is something forced on me by others.

So, why are women so fixed on representing themselves as being spontaneous and without purpose? I think I have an idea.

There's this myth, designed in the 50s I believe, that every woman over the age of 25 is looking for their forever partner and preparing to chain him to the matching twin bed. Although there are woman like this still lurking, most of us, I believe, just want to enjoy our personal lives and focus planning our careers and such.  I assume seeming "random" is a way for a woman to portray that she's out for fun and not sizing up every man she shares an appetizer with to be her lifelong mate.

OR she really is one of these mythical woman and she's in hiding so as not to scare off the timid male.

Either way, stop it. The word is overused and, to be honest, ambiguous.  To the wrong guy your "randomness" could come off as an invitation for unwanted advances or worse, a proposal for an illogical future.  Try a different word, or better yet, just explain whatever image you're trying to portray.

Overuse of this word may kill men... at least on the inside.  Don't worry about seeming spontaneous and focus on being original. And spread the word.

Revelation!

So I've decided I've been going about this all wrong.  Here's the story: There's this guy on POF that sent me a message a while ago, pretty blah, but then he asked my favorite beer. I like beer.  My GBF says it makes people think I'm a lesbian but clearly, I'm okay with that. So anyway, I responded with my thoughts on different beers for different occasions, with different meals and when I'm in different moods. We chatted back and forth a bit and then I stopped responding. Why Disney? Well, he's not cute. I've never been the girl that goes for the model-type anyway, but I am 100% percent not attracted to this guy and I find it highly unlikely that I ever will be. So I stopped responding because I didn't want to "lead him on." Let's face it ladies, we're either a tease or a slut and there is no in between. But after the fact, I started to miss him. Not him, per se, but the conversation.  So I told him he wasn't my type, enjoyed the conversation, etc. and we still talk! He said that's cool, no big deal, and I'm not his type either. (*gasp* Moi? He likes blondes. Gottcha.)

So here's the revelation, online dating isn't "dating" at all. There's no way to tell if you have "chemistry" with a person over the internet.  Obviously even POF can't figure it out (see previous posts).  So instead of being "super-picky" Disney, I'm gonna be open minded Disney. I'm still not responding to "Hi :)" or guys that want pictures of my feet (Foot fetish is not my kinda fetish). BUT, I will respond to any interesting message that I want to respond to regardless of other incompatibility factors such as, kids, cats, unemployed, etc.

The fact is, when I first met the Ex, I told my BFs he reminded me of Elmer Fudd.  He still does by the way. And I spent a lot of years with that man.  First impressions are just that, FIRST.  They are important, but they are not everything. Not to mention, some of my greatest friends are men, so it can't hurt to add to that pot.

Instead of looking at internet dating as "dating" I'm going to look at as internet "mingling" and just go from there. Even if I don't meet my Mr. Right, I may meet his friend :)

AND, I think I come off way different on person than on the internet. For those of you who don't know where my pseudonym came from, it was derived from my dear friend JD based on my bubbly personality and my tendency to move like a Fantasia character when there's no music to speak of. That's not something you can put into text.  I spend my days writing professional, very professional, memorandum so I'm afraid that reflects in my online life more than the true Disney.  The true Disney is part sorority-girl, part bedroom submissive, part intellectual debate enthusiast and then some.  There are just too many shades to Disney for anyone to get a good grasp over the internet. I assume a lot of guys feel the same way.

What is a "Christian Grey"

So in my POF profile I mention a popular character form a popular book you may have heard of, Fifty Shades of Grey.  I have read the series multiple times so I feel like I have a pretty good grasp on the characters.  Others, however, have only heard of the erotic novel and make assumptions that are inaccurate. So, who is this Christian Grey and what makes him so appealing? *Spoiler alert*

Christian is an uber-successful and wildly attractive man active in the BDSM lifestyle.  For all intensive purposes, he's a Pro. HOWEVER, Ana (the female lead) and Christian do not have a typical D/s relationship and I think that's where people get confused.  A typical Dom controls a slave/sub in life and love which is initially what Christian wanted from the relationship.  What the relationship turned into, though, is the fantasy so many women seem to want.

In actuality, Ana becomes a "Sub in the bedroom." In life she is very much her own woman.  Although Christian may be a bit controlling, she defies him regularly and without punishment. No actual Sub would behave like that.  In the bedroom, however, Christian takes the wheel. (And he is an excellent driver.)

Ultimately, Christian is in love, bordering obsessed with this woman, and has no problem making that regularly apparent.  What woman does not want to feel loved? Isn't that the point of love? He also makes her feel sexy and special.

Christian's faults are also admired. He's closed off and restrictive physically and emotionally which creates a challenge.  What woman doesn't want a challenge?

So there you have it. It's not just the Dom that's so enticing. It's his confidence, sex appeal, intricate knowledge of fetish toys and expertise and giving pleasure that is so erotic.  But it's also his admiration for this young woman and his own internal struggle with remaining the man he made himself to be and the partner she wants. His need to change, on his own accord, to be the perfect man for his perfect woman, well, that's down-right irresistible.

So, in summary, it's not just the flogger and the silver tie that make this man the sex-god most women dream of at bedtime. It's so much more that you can only fully comprehend if you actually force yourself to read the erotic novel and see all the shades that make up this man.

Here we go again!

So, for the past 3 years and 10 months I was in love.  I think.  But, now that's over and it's time to start again.  Weird, no?  The truth is I'm pretty excited.  Don't get me wrong, it's sad.  I mean, I lost my best friend, my support pillar, and a ton of crafty inside jokes.  Such is life and I'm a girl that can find the positive in anything.

So, how does this work again?  Truth - I've never been very good at dating.  My heart is hanging off my sleeve with one tattered thread and anyone can pull it off, toss it to the ground and smash it. That has to change. This time around I'm going to be smart, logical, realistic and picky.  I'm going to be incredibly picky with any suitors I spend my valuable time with.  In business I am known for being the level-headed problem solver so I need to bring that to my dating game.

The plan:

Dating Sites - never been a huge fan.  However, this is a different time we live in.  I'm not gonna meet my Mr. Right, or my Mr. Christian Grey for that matter, at church on Sunday or at the county fair.  We live in a busy world and I like to be busy.  I have a career to be proud of and I'm not willing to sacrifice it hunting for mates.  So dating sites it is.  Fast, efficient, and fast. I'm trying POF (that's Plenty Of Fish for you amateurs) at the recommendation of a trusted friend and fellow successful-women-no-time-for-nonsense lady.  You can find her at JD...Maybe? if you'd like a good read.

Dates - Dating sites don't really work unless you actually go ON the dates, or so I'm told.  Truth, I'm shy.  You'd never guess that to meet me, but I am.  Or I was! Not anymore.  Time to be confident and self-assured (again like I would in my professional life) because that's exactly what I want from a suitor.  It may be easier to flirt via email for weeks and weeks but that's not going to give me any good memories.  *wink*

Me - I've had a couple months now to evaluate my failed relationship and get over it.  One thing I realized quickly was me.  Relationships take compromise and sacrifice and that's what I did.  I don't regret this, however, it's time to focus on me.  Now is the time to be selfish and make sure my needs are met before any other.  Someday I'll be ready to go back into "compromise, sacrifice, relationship" mode,  but for the moment, it is all about me.

Misc. - I'm ready for this to be difficult and complicated, but I'm also ready for fun and great stories for my not-single friends.  Like I said, I'm excited!  Not just for meeting new people and potential great guys, but I'm excited to learn more about me,  'cause I'm selfish...for now.