Soul-mates: Truth, Myth, or Nightmare.

soulmate (or soul mate) is a lifelong partner that is predetermined by God. Believed by some to be the person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinitysimilaritylovesexintimacysexualityspirituality, or compatibility. (Wikipedia) 

As an adolescent, I found the idea of soulmates to be romantic and sweet.  I just sift through life and my soulmate will find me... so naive. 

As an adult, I find the whole idea terrifying, juvenile and unreasonable. I mean, how can we be expected to just wait around for this symbolic person that is supposed to complete us in every possible way? I'm far too controlling for that. And what happens if we miss them? I mean, I could be having a bad day and decide to not smile at the cute guy at the deli. Or I could run out of gas on way to the Salvation Army and then... no more soulmate?

Don't get me wrong, I completely understand the desire to put the whole process in the hands of fate. I, however, can't bring myself to trust anyone that much; especially someone as unreliable as fate. Furthermore, I refuse to believe that out of 7 billion people there is only one that is compatible with me. I mean, I'm really not that complicated. 

I prefer, instead, the idea that your "soulmate" is not predetermined by God or fate or anyone else. I prefer to think the ideal mate is the person that comes into your life when you're ready for them, and they're ready for you, and both parties are ready, and willing to put in the time and energy to develop a strong and successful bond that morphs into a shared life with your best friend. To me, that is far more realistic, and romantic, than walking through life just watching and waiting with no control over your own future. 


My how things have changed:

This morning I woke up and decided my bed needed redecorating.  This is a bed I shared with the Ex, so any remnant of him needs to be removed. Maybe it's a girl thing, but I'm convinced removing his energy will make my bed seem more welcoming to new-and-improved partners. So I got new sheets, a new comforter, new pillows, etc. Hell, I may even get a whole new bed.

Anyway, this activity led me to start thinking about how my life has changed over the last few months from being "in a relationship" to "single."

1.) I don't get hugs on a regular basis.  I've never been much of a "hugger" but I have a new appreciation for the contact now that it's not a norm in my everyday life.

2.) I can eat what I want. I never have to ask, "Well, what do you want?" and then spend 20 minutes debating back and forth while my stomach eats itself. This also goes for, "What do you want to do?" and "Where do you want to go?" I make the decisions now.

3.) I work out more. Well... I work out. I didn't have "time" before, ya know, cause I was busy being the perfect girlfriend. Now I have not only time, but the ambition to get back the sic body I had when I met the Ex. How do guys always make us fat? Oh, they live off beer and chicken wings. I digress.

4.) I pay for massages - because no one else is going to do it. Except maybe the homeless guy that sleeps in the trash room, but I haven't quite gotten that desperate.

5.) I see my friends more. I guess this is pretty normal, but I hate that it took a break-up to make that happen. I'll be more careful next time.

6.) I buy condoms. Not that I have any need for them *yawn* but I'm a safety girl and single girls should just keep those things around. By the way, has anyone bought condoms lately? Can we talk about the variety here? I was overwhelmed by the different brands, colors, styles and.... objectives. I just grabbed the purple box and called it a day.

7.) I wear make-up. Suddenly, the need to look appealing is greater now that my next great love may be waiting for me at the dry-cleaner. I can't remember the last time I wore make-up to go to Kmart - before this morning I mean.

8.) I write this blog. I missed this blog. My ambitions in general have increased. I mean I've always been overly ambitious (I'm a Virgo) but I have more motivation now that I don't have an Ex mocking my asinine ideas. Juicing is good for you, dammit.

9.) I don't sleep as much. Or at least, I don't spend as much time in bed. You get it...

10.) My room is always clean. There are no stupid boy clothes strewn about. Everything is neatly in it's place just how I like it. AND the toilet seat is always down. Always.


Why Dogs Are Better Than Boyfriends

Today I came home to my adorable Chihuahua mix and I realized, no boy has ever made me as happy as this one.

1.) A dog will never leave you. They can't! You just have to put a leash on them. You can't put leashes on boyfriends. At least, most boyfriends... but I'm sure there are exceptions.

2.) A dog will never cheat. Sure, he may get flirty with your female friends, but at bedtime you know he's cuddling up to you.

3.) A dog will never leave the toilet seat up. Never! They don't even use it! It's divine. I don't think men have any idea how obnoxious that is.

4.) A dog gives the best kisses. Wet and slobbery, sure. But they're full of love and no agenda.

5.) A dog won't drink all the beer. They won't drink any of it!

6.) A dog will laugh at your jokes. Okay... maybe not laugh, but they won't look at you like you just recited Shakespeare either.

7.) A dog will always listen. Whether you're complaining about a girlfriend, a coworker, and brand new strappy sandal that broke the first time you wore it, or even your boyfriend! Your dog will be all ears.

8.) A dog won't forget to pick you up at the airport. Your boyfriend will. You know it, I know it, he knows it...

9.) A dog doesn't get moody and crabby, suddenly, when you mention the word, "relationship." He'll let you talk about your relationship all day! Especially if there are treats and toys around.

10.) Your dog always wants to play with you. Always.


Daddy Issues

We all know some poor girl with "daddy issues" or an Electra Complex if we want to be scientific.  These are the girls that appear to be seeking attention from men in order to compensate for the attention they did not receive from their fathers.  Generally, you will find them in clear heels at the top of a pole somewhere, or married to Doug Hutchison at sixteen. They are sexually aggressive and starved for attention.  In the eyes of a teenage boy, they are Christmas. In the eyes of (most) adult men, however, they are drama.  Avoid them like the plague, or herpes.

But what about us girls that did receive adequate attention from our fathers? The "daddy's girl" so-to-speak.  Are we perfect because we can communicate with our clothes on? No. We have a whole new set of issues.  We're the girls that will compare every man to the perfect man we still, as adults, call "Daddy." No man will ever love, support, and cherish us like our fathers.  Men that wish to win our hearts are forced to live up to impossible expectations.

So what's a guy to do? Well, you have a few options. You can enjoy the "attention whore" and try to provide the necessary attention she'll require. You can fight, tooth and nail, for the love and affection of the girl convinced you will never be good enough. Or you can hold out for that mythical lady that falls somewhere in between.

I think it's safe to say we all have our own issues.  It's also safe to say we can find some way to blame said issues on our parents.  I guess the only real option is to find someone who's particular issues you find workable, or maybe, just maybe, lovable.


"That's so random!"

It's been brought to my attention that us ladies are overusing the word "random" to describe ourselves.  This problem was identified by a boy and is not a personal opinion.  I will say that I do not believe I fit into this group.  I'm not random. I'm a Virgo, for god-sake. I plan to make plans and spontaneity is something forced on me by others.

So, why are women so fixed on representing themselves as being spontaneous and without purpose? I think I have an idea.

There's this myth, designed in the 50s I believe, that every woman over the age of 25 is looking for their forever partner and preparing to chain him to the matching twin bed. Although there are woman like this still lurking, most of us, I believe, just want to enjoy our personal lives and focus planning our careers and such.  I assume seeming "random" is a way for a woman to portray that she's out for fun and not sizing up every man she shares an appetizer with to be her lifelong mate.

OR she really is one of these mythical woman and she's in hiding so as not to scare off the timid male.

Either way, stop it. The word is overused and, to be honest, ambiguous.  To the wrong guy your "randomness" could come off as an invitation for unwanted advances or worse, a proposal for an illogical future.  Try a different word, or better yet, just explain whatever image you're trying to portray.

Overuse of this word may kill men... at least on the inside.  Don't worry about seeming spontaneous and focus on being original. And spread the word.