What is a "Christian Grey"

So in my POF profile I mention a popular character form a popular book you may have heard of, Fifty Shades of Grey.  I have read the series multiple times so I feel like I have a pretty good grasp on the characters.  Others, however, have only heard of the erotic novel and make assumptions that are inaccurate. So, who is this Christian Grey and what makes him so appealing? *Spoiler alert*

Christian is an uber-successful and wildly attractive man active in the BDSM lifestyle.  For all intensive purposes, he's a Pro. HOWEVER, Ana (the female lead) and Christian do not have a typical D/s relationship and I think that's where people get confused.  A typical Dom controls a slave/sub in life and love which is initially what Christian wanted from the relationship.  What the relationship turned into, though, is the fantasy so many women seem to want.

In actuality, Ana becomes a "Sub in the bedroom." In life she is very much her own woman.  Although Christian may be a bit controlling, she defies him regularly and without punishment. No actual Sub would behave like that.  In the bedroom, however, Christian takes the wheel. (And he is an excellent driver.)

Ultimately, Christian is in love, bordering obsessed with this woman, and has no problem making that regularly apparent.  What woman does not want to feel loved? Isn't that the point of love? He also makes her feel sexy and special.

Christian's faults are also admired. He's closed off and restrictive physically and emotionally which creates a challenge.  What woman doesn't want a challenge?

So there you have it. It's not just the Dom that's so enticing. It's his confidence, sex appeal, intricate knowledge of fetish toys and expertise and giving pleasure that is so erotic.  But it's also his admiration for this young woman and his own internal struggle with remaining the man he made himself to be and the partner she wants. His need to change, on his own accord, to be the perfect man for his perfect woman, well, that's down-right irresistible.

So, in summary, it's not just the flogger and the silver tie that make this man the sex-god most women dream of at bedtime. It's so much more that you can only fully comprehend if you actually force yourself to read the erotic novel and see all the shades that make up this man.

Disney is not seeking Casual Sex

Let me clarify:

I like sex. Maybe too much. I spend a lot of time reading erotic novels, BDSM forums and kama sutra blogs. I read the good, the bad, and the bad-in-a-good-way. I enjoy the give AND the take of physical intimacy.

Casual encounters are all about you. You're there to fill some need, or get some pleasure for yourself. If the other party has a good time, great! But it's not the motivation. Then you end up with an "okay" experience, at best.

When there's a mental, emotional connection before the physical, then your motivations change. The other person's "good time" becomes more important than your own. When both parties are acting in the best interest of the other, well, that's when you bypass "okay" and hit "mind-blowing."

I'm looking for "mind-blowing." I've had enough of " okay."