So I've decided I've been going about this all wrong. Here's the story: There's this guy on POF that sent me a message a while ago, pretty blah, but then he asked my favorite beer. I like beer. My GBF says it makes people think I'm a lesbian but clearly, I'm okay with that. So anyway, I responded with my thoughts on different beers for different occasions, with different meals and when I'm in different moods. We chatted back and forth a bit and then I stopped responding. Why Disney? Well, he's not cute. I've never been the girl that goes for the model-type anyway, but I am 100% percent not attracted to this guy and I find it highly unlikely that I ever will be. So I stopped responding because I didn't want to "lead him on." Let's face it ladies, we're either a tease or a slut and there is no in between. But after the fact, I started to miss him. Not him, per se, but the conversation. So I told him he wasn't my type, enjoyed the conversation, etc. and we still talk! He said that's cool, no big deal, and I'm not his type either. (*gasp* Moi? He likes blondes. Gottcha.)
So here's the revelation, online dating isn't "dating" at all. There's no way to tell if you have "chemistry" with a person over the internet. Obviously even POF can't figure it out (see previous posts). So instead of being "super-picky" Disney, I'm gonna be open minded Disney. I'm still not responding to "Hi :)" or guys that want pictures of my feet (Foot fetish is not my kinda fetish). BUT, I will respond to any interesting message that I want to respond to regardless of other incompatibility factors such as, kids, cats, unemployed, etc.
The fact is, when I first met the Ex, I told my BFs he reminded me of Elmer Fudd. He still does by the way. And I spent a lot of years with that man. First impressions are just that, FIRST. They are important, but they are not everything. Not to mention, some of my greatest friends are men, so it can't hurt to add to that pot.
Instead of looking at internet dating as "dating" I'm going to look at as internet "mingling" and just go from there. Even if I don't meet my Mr. Right, I may meet his friend :)
AND, I think I come off way different on person than on the internet. For those of you who don't know where my pseudonym came from, it was derived from my dear friend JD based on my bubbly personality and my tendency to move like a Fantasia character when there's no music to speak of. That's not something you can put into text. I spend my days writing professional, very professional, memorandum so I'm afraid that reflects in my online life more than the true Disney. The true Disney is part sorority-girl, part bedroom submissive, part intellectual debate enthusiast and then some. There are just too many shades to Disney for anyone to get a good grasp over the internet. I assume a lot of guys feel the same way.
8.23.2012
8.22.2012
AshleyMadison!
I can't believe I forgot to add AshleyMadison.com to my "UPDATES"!! Well, for those of you not familiar, this is a secretive site for "attached' individuals to seek out... partners.
No! I have no interest in rendezvousing with married men. It's not about the sanctity of marriage, or what not, but I hold respect very high. If a man doesn't respect his wife, he most certainly will not respect me. I just don't understand the point of cheating when leaving would be the more responsible and less painful option. I digress.
I joined for the sake of research, people. So here it is. This site is for the birds. The guys are older, for sure. And there is no wooing whatsoever. It's all about what they wanna do and where and when. Straight to the point, I like, but a little too forward for my particular taste. Oh, and there's that whole married thing...
This site has gotten some attention recently due to its zealous marketing and I've noticed the numbers decreasing. Or at least, the number of profiles that have photos are decreasing. There are a lot of "body pics" still present, but guys, so you know, if you've been sleeping with the same woman for an extended period of time she's going to recognize your body. She'll also know the color of your eyes. It's a girl thing.
I've yet to get even one mildly entertaining message. I have about three that say something like, "I'm new here. I've never done this before. When can we meet?" Lies, lies, lies. Your profile alone has removed any credibility you may have achieved with me. Face tattoo has a better chance at this point.
No! I have no interest in rendezvousing with married men. It's not about the sanctity of marriage, or what not, but I hold respect very high. If a man doesn't respect his wife, he most certainly will not respect me. I just don't understand the point of cheating when leaving would be the more responsible and less painful option. I digress.
I joined for the sake of research, people. So here it is. This site is for the birds. The guys are older, for sure. And there is no wooing whatsoever. It's all about what they wanna do and where and when. Straight to the point, I like, but a little too forward for my particular taste. Oh, and there's that whole married thing...
This site has gotten some attention recently due to its zealous marketing and I've noticed the numbers decreasing. Or at least, the number of profiles that have photos are decreasing. There are a lot of "body pics" still present, but guys, so you know, if you've been sleeping with the same woman for an extended period of time she's going to recognize your body. She'll also know the color of your eyes. It's a girl thing.
I've yet to get even one mildly entertaining message. I have about three that say something like, "I'm new here. I've never done this before. When can we meet?" Lies, lies, lies. Your profile alone has removed any credibility you may have achieved with me. Face tattoo has a better chance at this point.
8.21.2012
UPDATES
So, as you know, I've been drawn to online dating. I have to say it is just as tedious as real life dating and don't let anyone tell you different. So, here are my reviews:
POF - So far my fav. I have chatted with two likable guys... and a dozen that were not so likable. One is very interesting (you've heard of him before) and his messages are the ones I most look forward to. The other is nice and cute, but lacks the wit to keep my attention. I have responded many times with one word replies, and I'm a talker by nature. I'm trying to stay open-minded so I'll continue but things better pick up fast. The aforementioned is still the favorite thus far. I think may know more about him than any guy I have actually dated, and we've never even met. There's a safety when you're behind a screen that allows people to open up, I guess, because I've shared more than I planned to as well. Not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, so I'll keep you posted.
Match.com - Bust. I don't know what it is about these guys but I failed to find even one that sparked any interest. Wait, there was one, but that interest was minimal and short-lived. Account deleted.
BondageMatch - I forgot my password and can't get in... typical Disney.
BDSMSingles - All the guys here are really old and unattractive. I understand that a trained Dom is probably going to be at least older than myself, but 67? That's pushing it. They're also not cute and/or interesting. I get a lot of, "Are you interested in me?" and "When would you like to be tamed?" Don't get me wrong, Disney needs some taming, but at least ask my name first, geez. I get that it's a different type of relationship but some level of intimacy is required before I'll let someone tie me up and have their way with me. I don't think that's too much to ask. It's probably time to bow out of the "scene" as clearly it's not what I'm looking for.
POF is the winner thus far. Can I add "bedroom submissive" to my "interests," or do we think that's a bad idea? Yea, bad idea. I'll give POF a little more time and see what happens. It has only been three weeks. Am I impatient, or what?
Oh, and then there is real-life dating. My friend B wants to set me up with her friend, but to be honest (sorry B) he wears really short shorts. I can't handle hipster because they confuse me. Where are the normal, single, straight, and unattached men (within my age range)? Where do they hide? Maybe I should join a club or something... thoughts?
XOXO
POF - So far my fav. I have chatted with two likable guys... and a dozen that were not so likable. One is very interesting (you've heard of him before) and his messages are the ones I most look forward to. The other is nice and cute, but lacks the wit to keep my attention. I have responded many times with one word replies, and I'm a talker by nature. I'm trying to stay open-minded so I'll continue but things better pick up fast. The aforementioned is still the favorite thus far. I think may know more about him than any guy I have actually dated, and we've never even met. There's a safety when you're behind a screen that allows people to open up, I guess, because I've shared more than I planned to as well. Not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, so I'll keep you posted.
Match.com - Bust. I don't know what it is about these guys but I failed to find even one that sparked any interest. Wait, there was one, but that interest was minimal and short-lived. Account deleted.
BondageMatch - I forgot my password and can't get in... typical Disney.
BDSMSingles - All the guys here are really old and unattractive. I understand that a trained Dom is probably going to be at least older than myself, but 67? That's pushing it. They're also not cute and/or interesting. I get a lot of, "Are you interested in me?" and "When would you like to be tamed?" Don't get me wrong, Disney needs some taming, but at least ask my name first, geez. I get that it's a different type of relationship but some level of intimacy is required before I'll let someone tie me up and have their way with me. I don't think that's too much to ask. It's probably time to bow out of the "scene" as clearly it's not what I'm looking for.
POF is the winner thus far. Can I add "bedroom submissive" to my "interests," or do we think that's a bad idea? Yea, bad idea. I'll give POF a little more time and see what happens. It has only been three weeks. Am I impatient, or what?
Oh, and then there is real-life dating. My friend B wants to set me up with her friend, but to be honest (sorry B) he wears really short shorts. I can't handle hipster because they confuse me. Where are the normal, single, straight, and unattached men (within my age range)? Where do they hide? Maybe I should join a club or something... thoughts?
XOXO
It's like you don't even know me...
So, POF has this feature called "chemistry" where they take your answers to too many questions to find your "perfect match." I checked out my chemistry matches and I have to say, I believe this feature is faulty.
Now, I understand this is probably deciphered by some super lengthy mathematical equation, however, I'm fairly certain the love of my life will not have a facial tattoo. No, wait, I'm sure of it. A facial tattoo is saying you know longer care to be a productive member of society. Even if I did fall for said guy my dad would shoot him before it could get passed 1st base. He's a "shoot first, ask later" kinda guy.
I'm also fairly sure my match will have more than a sixth grade vocabulary and know who the President of the United States is. No, actually, that's a requirement. I refuse to speak to anyone of voting age that does not know the name of the President of the country they hold residence in. Seriously.
So... back to BondageMatch? Kidding. I can't really see Disney tied up and flogged by some strange Dom from internet world. Well... I have to think about that a little more =)
Once again, I will persevere and shuffle through this overloaded inbox in hopes that someone without facial tattoos, multiple children, or a need to "taste" me, will inevitably spark my interest. Is that too much to ask? No masochists, cannibals, or baby-daddies allowed.
Now, I understand this is probably deciphered by some super lengthy mathematical equation, however, I'm fairly certain the love of my life will not have a facial tattoo. No, wait, I'm sure of it. A facial tattoo is saying you know longer care to be a productive member of society. Even if I did fall for said guy my dad would shoot him before it could get passed 1st base. He's a "shoot first, ask later" kinda guy.
I'm also fairly sure my match will have more than a sixth grade vocabulary and know who the President of the United States is. No, actually, that's a requirement. I refuse to speak to anyone of voting age that does not know the name of the President of the country they hold residence in. Seriously.
So... back to BondageMatch? Kidding. I can't really see Disney tied up and flogged by some strange Dom from internet world. Well... I have to think about that a little more =)
Once again, I will persevere and shuffle through this overloaded inbox in hopes that someone without facial tattoos, multiple children, or a need to "taste" me, will inevitably spark my interest. Is that too much to ask? No masochists, cannibals, or baby-daddies allowed.
8.12.2012
What is a "Christian Grey"
So in my POF profile I mention a popular character form a popular book you may have heard of, Fifty Shades of Grey. I have read the series multiple times so I feel like I have a pretty good grasp on the characters. Others, however, have only heard of the erotic novel and make assumptions that are inaccurate. So, who is this Christian Grey and what makes him so appealing? *Spoiler alert*
Christian is an uber-successful and wildly attractive man active in the BDSM lifestyle. For all intensive purposes, he's a Pro. HOWEVER, Ana (the female lead) and Christian do not have a typical D/s relationship and I think that's where people get confused. A typical Dom controls a slave/sub in life and love which is initially what Christian wanted from the relationship. What the relationship turned into, though, is the fantasy so many women seem to want.
In actuality, Ana becomes a "Sub in the bedroom." In life she is very much her own woman. Although Christian may be a bit controlling, she defies him regularly and without punishment. No actual Sub would behave like that. In the bedroom, however, Christian takes the wheel. (And he is an excellent driver.)
Ultimately, Christian is in love, bordering obsessed with this woman, and has no problem making that regularly apparent. What woman does not want to feel loved? Isn't that the point of love? He also makes her feel sexy and special.
Christian's faults are also admired. He's closed off and restrictive physically and emotionally which creates a challenge. What woman doesn't want a challenge?
So there you have it. It's not just the Dom that's so enticing. It's his confidence, sex appeal, intricate knowledge of fetish toys and expertise and giving pleasure that is so erotic. But it's also his admiration for this young woman and his own internal struggle with remaining the man he made himself to be and the partner she wants. His need to change, on his own accord, to be the perfect man for his perfect woman, well, that's down-right irresistible.
So, in summary, it's not just the flogger and the silver tie that make this man the sex-god most women dream of at bedtime. It's so much more that you can only fully comprehend if you actually force yourself to read the erotic novel and see all the shades that make up this man.
Christian is an uber-successful and wildly attractive man active in the BDSM lifestyle. For all intensive purposes, he's a Pro. HOWEVER, Ana (the female lead) and Christian do not have a typical D/s relationship and I think that's where people get confused. A typical Dom controls a slave/sub in life and love which is initially what Christian wanted from the relationship. What the relationship turned into, though, is the fantasy so many women seem to want.
In actuality, Ana becomes a "Sub in the bedroom." In life she is very much her own woman. Although Christian may be a bit controlling, she defies him regularly and without punishment. No actual Sub would behave like that. In the bedroom, however, Christian takes the wheel. (And he is an excellent driver.)
Ultimately, Christian is in love, bordering obsessed with this woman, and has no problem making that regularly apparent. What woman does not want to feel loved? Isn't that the point of love? He also makes her feel sexy and special.
Christian's faults are also admired. He's closed off and restrictive physically and emotionally which creates a challenge. What woman doesn't want a challenge?
So there you have it. It's not just the Dom that's so enticing. It's his confidence, sex appeal, intricate knowledge of fetish toys and expertise and giving pleasure that is so erotic. But it's also his admiration for this young woman and his own internal struggle with remaining the man he made himself to be and the partner she wants. His need to change, on his own accord, to be the perfect man for his perfect woman, well, that's down-right irresistible.
So, in summary, it's not just the flogger and the silver tie that make this man the sex-god most women dream of at bedtime. It's so much more that you can only fully comprehend if you actually force yourself to read the erotic novel and see all the shades that make up this man.
8.09.2012
Disney is not seeking Casual Sex
Let me clarify:
I like sex. Maybe too much. I spend a lot of time reading erotic novels, BDSM forums and kama sutra blogs. I read the good, the bad, and the bad-in-a-good-way. I enjoy the give AND the take of physical intimacy.
Casual encounters are all about you. You're there to fill some need, or get some pleasure for yourself. If the other party has a good time, great! But it's not the motivation. Then you end up with an "okay" experience, at best.
When there's a mental, emotional connection before the physical, then your motivations change. The other person's "good time" becomes more important than your own. When both parties are acting in the best interest of the other, well, that's when you bypass "okay" and hit "mind-blowing."
I'm looking for "mind-blowing." I've had enough of " okay."
I like sex. Maybe too much. I spend a lot of time reading erotic novels, BDSM forums and kama sutra blogs. I read the good, the bad, and the bad-in-a-good-way. I enjoy the give AND the take of physical intimacy.
Casual encounters are all about you. You're there to fill some need, or get some pleasure for yourself. If the other party has a good time, great! But it's not the motivation. Then you end up with an "okay" experience, at best.
When there's a mental, emotional connection before the physical, then your motivations change. The other person's "good time" becomes more important than your own. When both parties are acting in the best interest of the other, well, that's when you bypass "okay" and hit "mind-blowing."
I'm looking for "mind-blowing." I've had enough of " okay."
Okay, I have a secret...
I never actually deleted my OkCupid account all those years ago. Instead I changed it to "gay, seeking bi girl" and checked back every once in a while to absorb compliments from the messages. Pathetic? Maybe. Entertaining? Definitely.
But now that I'm "back on the market" I made the profile a bit more honest. I'm straight! There, I said it. Now I'm forced to compare my new POF account and my ancient OKC account...
POF - a bit more "mature" and advanced. The "facebook" of online dating.
OKC - more fun, more friendly. The "myspace" I guess.
Note: Girls don't send naked pics as freely as the boys do. Again, I ask, why are men so obsessed with their junk? Cause I'm not and there needs to be a place on my profile where I can confirm that.
Another Note: Does anyone READ the profiles? I mean, what's the point if the 20 year old college kid is sending me the standard "Hi :)" (and we'll get into how much I despise that message at another time) when my profile could not more clearly state that I will not date uneducated children? I may have to get mean. My sweet face defies me once again.
Third Note: I miss Christian Grey. I'm going to bed with him tonight, it's official.
But now that I'm "back on the market" I made the profile a bit more honest. I'm straight! There, I said it. Now I'm forced to compare my new POF account and my ancient OKC account...
POF - a bit more "mature" and advanced. The "facebook" of online dating.
OKC - more fun, more friendly. The "myspace" I guess.
Note: Girls don't send naked pics as freely as the boys do. Again, I ask, why are men so obsessed with their junk? Cause I'm not and there needs to be a place on my profile where I can confirm that.
Another Note: Does anyone READ the profiles? I mean, what's the point if the 20 year old college kid is sending me the standard "Hi :)" (and we'll get into how much I despise that message at another time) when my profile could not more clearly state that I will not date uneducated children? I may have to get mean. My sweet face defies me once again.
Third Note: I miss Christian Grey. I'm going to bed with him tonight, it's official.
There are sharks in the water!
So I've officially been a member of Plenty of Fish for less than 12 hours and I have already received over 40 emails. I am excited, flattered, and afraid to leave the house. At first, I thought it was my witty profile and then I realized half of them were sent before my profile was even complete... [See said profile here.] So I have named these guys the "sharks."
Sharks - the guys that email every new female user assuming she will be so naive and desperate that she'll jump at the slightest attention and in turn jump on him.
Well, not this one, you teethy creatures. I saw you coming from my tower. I don't care for sharks in the ocean and I most certainly don't want to join them for drinks.
Which brings me to another excellent point - Dating at thirty is much different than dating at twenty, and by different, I mean better. Twenty year old Disney would probably have jumped into these shark infested waters and been eaten alive. Thirty year old Disney, however, has learned the ease and comfort of the DELETE button. Amen.
Sharks - the guys that email every new female user assuming she will be so naive and desperate that she'll jump at the slightest attention and in turn jump on him.
Well, not this one, you teethy creatures. I saw you coming from my tower. I don't care for sharks in the ocean and I most certainly don't want to join them for drinks.
Which brings me to another excellent point - Dating at thirty is much different than dating at twenty, and by different, I mean better. Twenty year old Disney would probably have jumped into these shark infested waters and been eaten alive. Thirty year old Disney, however, has learned the ease and comfort of the DELETE button. Amen.
8.08.2012
Here we go again!
So, for the past 3 years and 10 months I was in love. I think. But, now that's over and it's time to start again. Weird, no? The truth is I'm pretty excited. Don't get me wrong, it's sad. I mean, I lost my best friend, my support pillar, and a ton of crafty inside jokes. Such is life and I'm a girl that can find the positive in anything.
So, how does this work again? Truth - I've never been very good at dating. My heart is hanging off my sleeve with one tattered thread and anyone can pull it off, toss it to the ground and smash it. That has to change. This time around I'm going to be smart, logical, realistic and picky. I'm going to be incredibly picky with any suitors I spend my valuable time with. In business I am known for being the level-headed problem solver so I need to bring that to my dating game.
The plan:
Dating Sites - never been a huge fan. However, this is a different time we live in. I'm not gonna meet my Mr. Right, or my Mr. Christian Grey for that matter, at church on Sunday or at the county fair. We live in a busy world and I like to be busy. I have a career to be proud of and I'm not willing to sacrifice it hunting for mates. So dating sites it is. Fast, efficient, and fast. I'm trying POF (that's Plenty Of Fish for you amateurs) at the recommendation of a trusted friend and fellow successful-women-no-time-for-nonsense lady. You can find her at JD...Maybe? if you'd like a good read.
Dates - Dating sites don't really work unless you actually go ON the dates, or so I'm told. Truth, I'm shy. You'd never guess that to meet me, but I am. Or I was! Not anymore. Time to be confident and self-assured (again like I would in my professional life) because that's exactly what I want from a suitor. It may be easier to flirt via email for weeks and weeks but that's not going to give me any good memories. *wink*
Me - I've had a couple months now to evaluate my failed relationship and get over it. One thing I realized quickly was me. Relationships take compromise and sacrifice and that's what I did. I don't regret this, however, it's time to focus on me. Now is the time to be selfish and make sure my needs are met before any other. Someday I'll be ready to go back into "compromise, sacrifice, relationship" mode, but for the moment, it is all about me.
Misc. - I'm ready for this to be difficult and complicated, but I'm also ready for fun and great stories for my not-single friends. Like I said, I'm excited! Not just for meeting new people and potential great guys, but I'm excited to learn more about me, 'cause I'm selfish...for now.
So, how does this work again? Truth - I've never been very good at dating. My heart is hanging off my sleeve with one tattered thread and anyone can pull it off, toss it to the ground and smash it. That has to change. This time around I'm going to be smart, logical, realistic and picky. I'm going to be incredibly picky with any suitors I spend my valuable time with. In business I am known for being the level-headed problem solver so I need to bring that to my dating game.
The plan:
Dating Sites - never been a huge fan. However, this is a different time we live in. I'm not gonna meet my Mr. Right, or my Mr. Christian Grey for that matter, at church on Sunday or at the county fair. We live in a busy world and I like to be busy. I have a career to be proud of and I'm not willing to sacrifice it hunting for mates. So dating sites it is. Fast, efficient, and fast. I'm trying POF (that's Plenty Of Fish for you amateurs) at the recommendation of a trusted friend and fellow successful-women-no-time-for-nonsense lady. You can find her at JD...Maybe? if you'd like a good read.
Dates - Dating sites don't really work unless you actually go ON the dates, or so I'm told. Truth, I'm shy. You'd never guess that to meet me, but I am. Or I was! Not anymore. Time to be confident and self-assured (again like I would in my professional life) because that's exactly what I want from a suitor. It may be easier to flirt via email for weeks and weeks but that's not going to give me any good memories. *wink*
Me - I've had a couple months now to evaluate my failed relationship and get over it. One thing I realized quickly was me. Relationships take compromise and sacrifice and that's what I did. I don't regret this, however, it's time to focus on me. Now is the time to be selfish and make sure my needs are met before any other. Someday I'll be ready to go back into "compromise, sacrifice, relationship" mode, but for the moment, it is all about me.
Misc. - I'm ready for this to be difficult and complicated, but I'm also ready for fun and great stories for my not-single friends. Like I said, I'm excited! Not just for meeting new people and potential great guys, but I'm excited to learn more about me, 'cause I'm selfish...for now.
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