Everyone pays for sex.

That's right. Everyone.

I heard this on a television show and it really got me thinking. At first it was something like, "Ugh. I've never had to pay for it." Insert judgmental tone. Then... well, then I had to admit that I have paid, and I've paid dearly. So have you. So stop judging. 

Traditionally a man will wine n' dine a lady and eventually she'll give up the goods. There's your standard "payment" on his part.  Traditionally the trusting woman will invite this man into her bed, and there's her payment. That's the more complicated aspect of my statement. For the record, these roles may be reversed and shared and are somewhat interchangeable between the genders, but there is always payment.

I've heard woman say many times that they "have sex like a man." I assume they are not referring to strap-ons although in some cases they just may be.... But I suppose most mean without feeling or emotion. Bullshit.

I do not believe women are capable of having completely emotion-free sexual relations. To be honest, many men can't either. A woman may not necessarily have emotion for the partner, but there's emotion nonetheless. I have two explanations for my theory. One physical, one mental.

It takes trust to let people in.  Most people don't share their deepest darkest secrets with complete strangers. Same goes for a woman's body. Sorry to be graphic, but this is a big girl blog. In sexual activity a woman is quite literally opening up and letting someone inside and she has to trust to do this. (Unfortunately woman frequently trust the wrong men but that's a-whole-nother blog.) There are those woman who don't require the same level of trust, but some trust has to be present. Even if a woman agrees to a "casual" encounter the emotion is there. And after-the-fact it's going to be even more present. She'll try to hide it, because she agreed to "casual" but it's there.

The above is the most common sexually charged emotion. But there are those woman, few I hope, that can have sex with a complete stranger and feel no emotion, what-so-ever, for the partner. They do, however, hold an extreme amount of emotion for themselves. Unfortunately, this is a much more negative scenario. This women generally has some historic experience that has made her feel insecure or undeserving or she's found it so difficult to trust a partner that she compensates by trying to make that trust unnecessary and ultimately creating a psychological wall within herself that she feels cannot be penetrated to keep her "safe." But she's not safe. She's actually far more vulnerable than the women above.

Sex in general is a far more emotional experience for women than men; specifically "casual" sex. A male orgasm is generally physical whereas a female orgasm is mental.  No woman can finish when she's worrying about her shopping list. A man, on the other hand, will forget that shopping list completely. It can wait.

The moral of this story is we all pay. Even if it's not a monetary exchange with a professional an exchange is made. The females's payment may be less obvious, but it's there. So next time you take that PYT out for a romantic evening and she doesn't want to play naked that night, just know that it's going to cost her a lot more than dinner. When she can afford it, she'll play ball.

Everything you could ever want to know about a woman....

...is right there in her closet.

In reviewing my wall sized closet I realized just how much of me my closet can disclose.  I have to believe these rules, for the most part anyway, hold true for women everywhere. 

Platform heels and/or stilettos: Either she is very short, or a SATC (Sex And The City) loving masochist. These shoes do not exist for comfort.  They are for beauty and style and serve no rational purpose beyond aesthetic appeal. 

Tennis Shoes: Dirty tennis shoes means she's an outdoor kinda girl.  She doesn't mind treading through dirt and breathing in the city smog. Perfectly clean tennis shoes means she's probably more of a gym rat. She prefers to spend hours on the elliptical while watching the Real Housewives. 

Flats: Your girl appreciates comfort. Or she's incredibly tall and insecure about her height. 

Short/tight/small dresses: This girl likes attention in any form she can get it; think Courtney Stodden meets any Kardashian. A closet full of tiny dresses that cover only the parts of a woman that must be legally covered in public generally mean daddy issues. 

Long, flowy, moxie dresses: Another comfort seeker. She'd rather be pretty than sexy and she'd rather that not be her most admirable quality. 

Pantsuits: This one has worked long and hard to establish herself in a man's world and she's not about the let fashion disrupt her success. She's probably in some high-stress power position like a CEO or an attorney and you will never be as important as her career. 

Lingerie (more than necessary): Most average women like to keep a few select items around for special occasions or when they need to guarantee the end of a drought. More than a few, and matching boas, means you're probably dating a stripper. Or a hooker. 

Furs and/or minks: She's either an AARP member or a "gold-digger." Most girls don't wear fur anymore. If the closet is also full of Manolos and she is not independently wealthy there's a red flag for you. Even if she is fiscally successful, appearance and perception of others is very important to her. So if it isn't to you, it's not going to work out. 

Leather: One leather jacket and a cute pair of pleather shorts is normal but a closet full of leather means your girl probably likes girls. Sorry. 

Polo shirts: See above. 

Whips, chains, ball-gags and furry handcuffs: You've entered the dungeon.  Unless you like to give or receive a safe amount of pain you better run and run fast. 

Earthquake survival kit: This girl is probably a bit paranoid and likes to plan ahead. She's probably a Virgo. She's probably me. 

Obviously there are exceptions to every rule but these figures should be generally accurate.  For more information, find the "intimates" drawer. Just make sure you're ready for what you may find. 

Soul-mates: Truth, Myth, or Nightmare.

A soulmate (or soul mate) is a lifelong partner that is predetermined by God. Believed by some to be the person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity, similarity, love, sex, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility. (Wikipedia) 

As an adolescent, I found the idea of soulmates to be romantic and sweet.  I just sift through life and my soulmate will find me... so naive. 

As an adult, I find the whole idea terrifying, juvenile and unreasonable. I mean, how can we be expected to just wait around for this symbolic person that is supposed to complete us in every possible way? I'm far too controlling for that. And what happens if we miss them? I mean, I could be having a bad day and decide to not smile at the cute guy at the deli. Or I could run out of gas on way to the Salvation Army and then... no more soulmate?

Don't get me wrong, I completely understand the desire to put the whole process in the hands of fate. I, however, can't bring myself to trust anyone that much; especially someone as unreliable as fate. Furthermore, I refuse to believe that out of 7 billion people there is only one that is compatible with me. I mean, I'm really not that complicated. 

I prefer, instead, the idea that your "soulmate" is not predetermined by God or fate or anyone else. I prefer to think the ideal mate is the person that comes into your life when you're ready for them, and they're ready for you, and both parties are ready, and willing to put in the time and energy to develop a strong and successful bond that morphs into a shared life with your best friend. To me, that is far more realistic, and romantic, than walking through life just watching and waiting with no control over your own future. 

My how things have changed:

This morning I woke up and decided my bed needed redecorating.  This is a bed I shared with the Ex, so any remnant of him needs to be removed. Maybe it's a girl thing, but I'm convinced removing his energy will make my bed seem more welcoming to new-and-improved partners. So I got new sheets, a new comforter, new pillows, etc. Hell, I may even get a whole new bed.

Anyway, this activity led me to start thinking about how my life has changed over the last few months from being "in a relationship" to "single."

1.) I don't get hugs on a regular basis.  I've never been much of a "hugger" but I have a new appreciation for the contact now that it's not a norm in my everyday life.

2.) I can eat what I want. I never have to ask, "Well, what do you want?" and then spend 20 minutes debating back and forth while my stomach eats itself. This also goes for, "What do you want to do?" and "Where do you want to go?" I make the decisions now.

3.) I work out more. Well... I work out. I didn't have "time" before, ya know, cause I was busy being the perfect girlfriend. Now I have not only time, but the ambition to get back the sic body I had when I met the Ex. How do guys always make us fat? Oh, they live off beer and chicken wings. I digress.

4.) I pay for massages - because no one else is going to do it. Except maybe the homeless guy that sleeps in the trash room, but I haven't quite gotten that desperate.

5.) I see my friends more. I guess this is pretty normal, but I hate that it took a break-up to make that happen. I'll be more careful next time.

6.) I buy condoms. Not that I have any need for them *yawn* but I'm a safety girl and single girls should just keep those things around. By the way, has anyone bought condoms lately? Can we talk about the variety here? I was overwhelmed by the different brands, colors, styles and.... objectives. I just grabbed the purple box and called it a day.

7.) I wear make-up. Suddenly, the need to look appealing is greater now that my next great love may be waiting for me at the dry-cleaner. I can't remember the last time I wore make-up to go to Kmart - before this morning I mean.

8.) I write this blog. I missed this blog. My ambitions in general have increased. I mean I've always been overly ambitious (I'm a Virgo) but I have more motivation now that I don't have an Ex mocking my asinine ideas. Juicing is good for you, dammit.

9.) I don't sleep as much. Or at least, I don't spend as much time in bed. You get it...

10.) My room is always clean. There are no stupid boy clothes strewn about. Everything is neatly in it's place just how I like it. AND the toilet seat is always down. Always.

Why Dogs Are Better Than Boyfriends

Today I came home to my adorable Chihuahua mix and I realized, no boy has ever made me as happy as this one.

1.) A dog will never leave you. They can't! You just have to put a leash on them. You can't put leashes on boyfriends. At least, most boyfriends... but I'm sure there are exceptions.

2.) A dog will never cheat. Sure, he may get flirty with your female friends, but at bedtime you know he's cuddling up to you.

3.) A dog will never leave the toilet seat up. Never! They don't even use it! It's divine. I don't think men have any idea how obnoxious that is.

4.) A dog gives the best kisses. Wet and slobbery, sure. But they're full of love and no agenda.

5.) A dog won't drink all the beer. They won't drink any of it!

6.) A dog will laugh at your jokes. Okay... maybe not laugh, but they won't look at you like you just recited Shakespeare either.

7.) A dog will always listen. Whether you're complaining about a girlfriend, a coworker, and brand new strappy sandal that broke the first time you wore it, or even your boyfriend! Your dog will be all ears.

8.) A dog won't forget to pick you up at the airport. Your boyfriend will. You know it, I know it, he knows it...

9.) A dog doesn't get moody and crabby, suddenly, when you mention the word, "relationship." He'll let you talk about your relationship all day! Especially if there are treats and toys around.

10.) Your dog always wants to play with you. Always.

Daddy Issues

We all know some poor girl with "daddy issues" or an Electra Complex if we want to be scientific.  These are the girls that appear to be seeking attention from men in order to compensate for the attention they did not receive from their fathers.  Generally, you will find them in clear heels at the top of a pole somewhere, or married to Doug Hutchison at sixteen. They are sexually aggressive and starved for attention.  In the eyes of a teenage boy, they are Christmas. In the eyes of (most) adult men, however, they are drama.  Avoid them like the plague, or herpes.

But what about us girls that did receive adequate attention from our fathers? The "daddy's girl" so-to-speak.  Are we perfect because we can communicate with our clothes on? No. We have a whole new set of issues.  We're the girls that will compare every man to the perfect man we still, as adults, call "Daddy." No man will ever love, support, and cherish us like our fathers.  Men that wish to win our hearts are forced to live up to impossible expectations.

So what's a guy to do? Well, you have a few options. You can enjoy the "attention whore" and try to provide the necessary attention she'll require. You can fight, tooth and nail, for the love and affection of the girl convinced you will never be good enough. Or you can hold out for that mythical lady that falls somewhere in between.

I think it's safe to say we all have our own issues.  It's also safe to say we can find some way to blame said issues on our parents.  I guess the only real option is to find someone who's particular issues you find workable, or maybe, just maybe, lovable.

"That's so random!"

It's been brought to my attention that us ladies are overusing the word "random" to describe ourselves.  This problem was identified by a boy and is not a personal opinion.  I will say that I do not believe I fit into this group.  I'm not random. I'm a Virgo, for god-sake. I plan to make plans and spontaneity is something forced on me by others.

So, why are women so fixed on representing themselves as being spontaneous and without purpose? I think I have an idea.

There's this myth, designed in the 50s I believe, that every woman over the age of 25 is looking for their forever partner and preparing to chain him to the matching twin bed. Although there are woman like this still lurking, most of us, I believe, just want to enjoy our personal lives and focus planning our careers and such.  I assume seeming "random" is a way for a woman to portray that she's out for fun and not sizing up every man she shares an appetizer with to be her lifelong mate.

OR she really is one of these mythical woman and she's in hiding so as not to scare off the timid male.

Either way, stop it. The word is overused and, to be honest, ambiguous.  To the wrong guy your "randomness" could come off as an invitation for unwanted advances or worse, a proposal for an illogical future.  Try a different word, or better yet, just explain whatever image you're trying to portray.

Overuse of this word may kill men... at least on the inside.  Don't worry about seeming spontaneous and focus on being original. And spread the word.