Sexting 101

Sexting: the act of sending sexual explicit messages or photographs primarily between mobile phones.

This new trend started a few years back. I thought it missed my generation, but apparently I was wrong.  I guess the idea is that we are so busy throughout the day that we have to substitute sexting for actual intercourse in order to save time? Or maybe sexting is a way for the Christian kids to get off without going to hell... who knows. Chances are you've done it. If you haven't, give it a go. It doesn't hurt, I promise. If you do it all the time - stop. Go get yourself a real girlfriend for goodness sake.

Sexting, like everything fun in life, has rules.

Rule #1 - KNOW who you're sending your own pics to. Unless you really want to see your best feature on Tumbler, you want to make sure the other party isn't going to mass-text your goods to his friends. Or your parents.

Rule#2 - Be honest. If you're going to send a copied pic make that clear. It's false advertising if you don't.

Rule #3 - Include an introduction. I know it seems erotic to receive that surprise picture package (pun) mid-day, but it's less erotic when you're, say, in a meeting, or at lunch with your mom. Make sure your partner knows the next text is NSFW.

Rule #4 - Keep it classy. I'm sure there are those that like the close-up, fluidy, ick-I-can't-think-of-another-adjective, but that's something you should really work up to. Start simple.

Rule #5 - One at a time. What? Where's the fun in that? I know, I know, the idea of (electronically) banging two chicks at once is an easy sell. But it takes far more focus than you'd imagine. It's very easy to get caught up in the moment and mix up the ladies. Then... you've got two very pissed off ladies. Don't you watch S&TC? Girls may not expect monogamous sexting but they prefer to assume it.

Rule #6 - Be monogamous with your sexting. If you're going to be sexting all over town, at least disclose that. No one likes a cyber-slut.

Rule #7 - It's still cheating. Sorry. If you have a real-life partner and you're sexting another it's a breach in loyalty and trust and she/he should kick you to the curb.

Rule #8 - Double check the recipient box. Your dad does not want to get a picture of your adult pecker. No, not even if you take after him.

Rule #9 - Get verbal. You may not be much of a talker in the bedroom, but sexting can get pretty bland without the use of adjectives. Yep - you can even say the bad words.

Rule #10 - Privacy is paramount. In all honesty, if someone choses to partake in this rainy-day activity with you they're doing so because they trust that the conversation and visuals will remain between the two of you. Keep it that way. If the sexting goes public you will lose your partner and none of her friends will want to play either. Not to mention, a spiteful one may go viral with your own image and grandma may see more of her little man than she'd like. Or worse: the whole school sees YOUR little man and you really will not get laid 'till college.

Good luck!

Dealbreakers

When I first started this blog I was newly single and ready to take on the world. I had high hopes and vowed that I would open my mind to new and exciting individuals. Now - not so much. I've realized there are a few things I just cannot seem to get past no matter how hard I try. That may sound like I'm judgmental but I believe I have realistic reasons for these judgments. Note that these are MY dealbreakers and should not be considered standard. You should, however, have your own set in place. It's okay to be picky when it's your life.

1. Face tattoos. We've already discussed this. Still a problem. I have a professional career and I can't see myself claiming a man, in public and in front of colleagues, with inked tears on his face. Sorry.

2. Unemployed. I know the economy is bad right now. But here's the thing... if you're unemployed, you should probably be focusing on finding employment rather than focusing on me. And I require a great deal of focus.

3. Kids. I like kids. I'd even like to have a couple someday... but not today. I'm not mature enough to have children right now. Clearly, a person with children probably is. And that's great. Just not for me.

4. To be continued...